Saturday, July 30, 2005

angst

heart pain hurts...........not the cardiac variety.
the emotional, soulful, roots of your being heart pain.
do we ever sever our connection to our children as they grow up? can we? would we? should we?
i am too close..too consumed...too wrapped up in that being i created and grew. it is hard for me to let her go, let her be, let her screw up and not hurt like hell about it.
i love her with every cell of my body......we share those very same cells.......i gave her mine.
that is why my heart hurts. i want only life's very best for her and she seems to be prancing willy nilly through these days and months without a thought or care or worry.......which she cannot afford to do. i have worried myself into a frenzy. i cannot sleep, i am edgy, i am elusive when asked about her, i do not like this place.......this feeling........this struggle.
i just need to pull a good drunk and let it be..........if for only one night.


cheers?

1 comment:

ms*robyn said...

Nan, it is hard to let our children spread their wings and experience life for themselve but is important that we do so. For them as well as for ourselves. We must trust that we have done a good job parenting and all those ' life rules' that we instilled in them from the time they could understand are firmly seeded, to be used whenever they are needed.
I worry myself silly sometimes too and I protect my children like a lioness with her cubs but then I have to pull myself up and remember that this is their life and they have to experience it like I was allowed. All works out in the end.
Try reading 'simple abundance' by Sarah Ban breathnach.... it may help