Saturday, July 30, 2005


heart pain hurts...........not the cardiac variety.
the emotional, soulful, roots of your being heart pain.
do we ever sever our connection to our children as they grow up? can we? would we? should we?
i am too close..too consumed...too wrapped up in that being i created and grew. it is hard for me to let her go, let her be, let her screw up and not hurt like hell about it.
i love her with every cell of my body......we share those very same cells.......i gave her mine.
that is why my heart hurts. i want only life's very best for her and she seems to be prancing willy nilly through these days and months without a thought or care or worry.......which she cannot afford to do. i have worried myself into a frenzy. i cannot sleep, i am edgy, i am elusive when asked about her, i do not like this place.......this feeling........this struggle.
i just need to pull a good drunk and let it be..........if for only one night.


Monday, July 25, 2005

My haven

I love my house.........
It consumes me, I stir in my stuff every will never be "finished".
It is fussy and frilly and least THIS room is. My living little space of calm and quiet and "days gone by".
I just happen to love how the room catches the light when the sun is beginning its casts special prisms just for me and I stop to savor the light and spend a moment.

The writing desk......and my "new" French phone!
LOVE it!

Koko claims a pink velvet chair!

Part of laundry room.......

Guest's breakfast table..........

Guest bedroom.........

Sunday, July 17, 2005

male PMS

Women get a bad rap for having hormonal fluctuations. We cry, we laugh, we pout, we brood......sometimes within a span of 5 minutes. Be it a blessing or a curse, we can blame it on "hormones".
So, what do guys blame it on? I firmly believe, even though I am a Registered Nurse, that men have raging hormones as well but have never learned to handle them or accept them as we gals do.
damn shame.
At least we "wimmen folk" know that "this too shall pass" and if you are lucky enough to leave the room without risk of death or at the very least, castration, then you should be man enough to keep your pissy moods out of MY way.
So, how was YOUR day?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

i need to be two of me

Do you ever wish you could clone yourself? I know the world couldn't handle more than one of me but I could sure use the help.
Yesterday was a working day. It was raining, thanks to the hurricane finally entering the Ohio Valley. It was a good rain....slow and steady, no storms and no heavy downpours. My yard needed it. The grass is getting crunchy.
In spite of the rain, I cleaned out the barn/potting/gardening shed. It was rather a mess and I put it in order, threw out old potting pots and flats and put up some shelving. Then, I tackled that hell-hole garage! Arghh......we have TOO MUCH junk!! Needless to say, a two car garage is not enough for two cars, two ski boats, a fishing boat, and the 100+ computers and tons of computer bits and pieces stored in there. At one point, I think I counted at least four or more flat scanners. Why? Why do we have all this stuff and what will we ever do with it?? But, it is J's hobby so I tolerate.....
We both worked really hard and moved a lot of stuff out to the newly straightened IT is now almost full. Hopefully, I can still find my gardening stuff when I need it.
We treated ourselves to meeting Dr. Joe and Janet at Applebee's for dinner and drinks. It was a nice, relaxed evening and I got to know Janet a bit better. She is also an RN so it was nice to have a comrad to chat with. Then, we went to see Dr. Joe's new house now that he is pretty much settled in. It looks a lot better than when I was there a week or so ago and the moving vans had just arrived. It is the three fireplaces!!
Had a fun, chatty sit in the lower level den and enjoyed a toddy of Hot Damn! and of course, I rattled on wayyyyy too much but I was called "fun and entertaining" so hopefully I didn't bore them too badly. My stories about New Year's Eve on Times Square '99, New Orleans 2000 and the flight fiasco of '99 had them rolling.....I love an audience.....who'd a thunk?
Came home, J crashed since he is working today and I putzed a bit and read Naomi's book till I finally got sleepy. It is a good is weird to read about streets and such in the same place I live.
Today, I have been a bum. I took another load of donations to Goodwill then bought more than I gave away, stopped by the Salvation Army and found some treasures. Amazing the stuff folks throw out or give away. I found an antique Marcie doll in great shape for 39 cents! She will be on ebay soon....I have quite a stash ready to shoot and post. I am just so summer-busy right now, it is hard to think about ebaying.
I need to go to the District office and put in my application to substitute teach this fall. I am not going back into medicine any time soon. I love caring for my patients but I also love being off with J and having this summer off has sure spoiled me. I only want to work a couple of days a week to keep some cash in my account so subbing will be good. I love being around kids too....sure miss that from my days as school nurse.
The rest of today, I have just piddled in the house and done some laundry. I got some beautiful cabbage rose border at the super duper "Wow, it's a dollar!" is self stick. Best thing ever!! No glue...just roll it out, rub it on the wall and Viola! Border!! Plus, it just peels right glue, steaming, stripping, etc. GREAT stuff! It sure prettied up my laundry room. It is all sweet and girly now and much nicer to work in.
I miss my child.............

Saw a gal walking across the street today and when I looked in my rear view mirror, she looked like Court. Made my heart ache...I need to go to Atlanta.
She is working a lot at her hostess job at La Travola, has started Philosophy class and is busy as can be. I know I would be a distraction if I go right now.....
Maybe soon.
I need to go see my sister too. I have not spent any time with her since Momma died in February and I need a family fix. It gets mighty lonesome up here in these hills even though I stay so busy and love doing what I do. J and I enjoy our time together and we share a lot of interests but I need some girl talk. I need to plan this trip.......I need some southern time.

Not a lot else today. Need to go finish chores and maybe treat myself to an afternoon coffee and reading. Or a nap. A nap would do nicely.....

Find your happy deserve it.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Summer lakes*summer fun* ahhhhhhhhhh!

This is a barn I found while out exploring by myself in Maryland one morning. I stopped in the road, snapped the pic and then did a little creative editing. It is one of my all-time favorites. I love finding old barns.....I think they evoke such peaceful, serene emotions and remind me of my days, growing up on the farm.


We went to Deep Creek Lake in western Maryland in June. It was so lovely and the house we rented was beyond words.......sooooooo nice!
I love the water......the mountains, the woods, the was paradise!

Ciao' for now from your Domestic Diva!

Friday, July 08, 2005

*good day*bad day..

Ever have one of those days when you are on cloud nine one minute and in the dumps the next?

I do.

Makes me feel like a total bi-polar but then I could always just blame hormones.......we girls are lucky like that.

Anyway, got up early, 6:10, after going to bed super duper late.....3:30'ish. I putz and piddle when the BF pulls an over-niter in the ER. I just can't seem to settle when I am here alone. It is a lack of discipline more than anything. I spent a great part of the evening washing mega-loads of laundry. It is our own fault.....we went to Serenity Acres monthly rummage sale and totally, freaking wracked up on a ton of great name brand clothes, mostly for the winter months. I have a supreme distaste for wearing anything that has been on anyone else's body before I launder it. Of course, that means lots of work for me since my favorite way to shop is thru vintage and resale shops. I have to wash every thing I buy before I wear it. So, I washed load after load of clothes and those vintage linens! They are very time consuming though......have to soak them and be very careful with them but they are SO worth it!

I had a long list of Friday rummage sales printed off the newspaper and one sounded really, really good.....ten families in the nicest area of this little tri-village (I live in an area that includes Flatwoods, Russell, and Bellfonte/Ashland but they all just flow into each other). I knew I had to arrive early or the best stuff would be gone. So, up I am, hitting the coffee that was set to be brewed and waiting on my awaking. It was excellent good........nothing like a hot cup of coffee to stir the senses and get the blood flowing. I downed a coupla' cups and got dressed and was out the door by 7:15. I should have lingered in bed, enjoyed my java and been lazy. They had nada to pick from........clothes and more clothes, which I felt nauseous looking at after washing 413 loads the night before.

I did find a way cute summer handbag and , and........what WAS that other thing? Oh yeah, some pretty pink towels for my Paris themed bathroom. Only .50 a piece and nice and fluffy so it was all good.

Since I was up and awake and in the car, using $2.30 a gallon gasoline, I decided to scout a few more sales and had to drive all over the fricking hills to find them and..................I should have stayed in bed, snuggled under the down comforter ( I use it year round....pure indulgence), the fan cooling the room, and Naomi Judd's book ("Love Can Build a Bridge", the one she talked about last summer when I went to see her at the Paramount Arts Center, purchased at a tag sale for a dime. Sweet.) begging me to read past the out of wedlock pregnancy with Wynnona.

Um, let's see.....where was I? Oh yeah....I did get some sweet doilies, some vintage unopened nylons, some great cutters for making pillows and some freebie vintage curtains that should do well on ebay. I found the usual assortment of .25 and .50 items. I seem to always gravitate to the same stuff....florals, old postcards. china and crystal, old linens, hankies, doilies, bedding, pictures, and anything, ANYTHING, with pink roses on it, and odd bits and pieces of things no one but me would love.

Koko Kat, AKA the Almighty Spoiled One, took a little nap among the day's offerings I had found. I thought he looked so sweet and innocent (?) nestled in my treasures of the of those lucky, unplanned, unposed pictures I love to take.

Image hosted by

After the day we spent at the flea market yesterday, I did not neeed a single thing. Our car was packed. I am still cleaning it all and loving it and finding homes for my new treasures. I did find a simply too sweet, too special, too pretty litho museum print in a lovely frame is, of course, Paris, the Champs de Elysees with the Arch de Triomphe in the background by Antoine Blanchard. ~*~LOVE. IT!~*~

Best was one pennies. Little things like this make the whole day of treasure hunting a success. I can look at that picture and I smell, taste, hear, and feel Paris all over again. I must-need go back. I firmly believe I lived there in my old soul days. My first stroll down that lovely boulevard was cold. I ducked into a shop, bought a sweatshirt to layer over my travel dress.........I had not even changed from the flight when I walked that street the first time. I remember being hypnotized.....captivated.........swept the mere fact that I WAS IN PARIS, FRANCE!! My gosh, I fell in love hard and fast and the last trip we took was just to confirm that my passion was real.

Image hosted by sidetracked, as usual.

Anyway, I call it a successful flea-day when I find a Paris litho, a Daher tin, or anything that evokes the sights, sounds, and images of my Euro-love affair. I am hopeless.

Now, the bad, icky part of the day.

I went too "momma-mode" on my daughter this evening. She calls me daily, or nearly, to check in and keep momma secure. She was getting ready to go to her hostess job at the Italian restaurant and I upset her. I should just SHUT UP.....but I cannot help it. She deserves better than she is getting in her current state and she needs to know it.

I left her a voice mail, told her I was sorry........hope she knows in her heart it's because I love her.......she is my life, my heart, my soul.......I GREW her!!! She will, hopefully, know I just want life's best for her and she so much to offer someone. I really just want to drive south and resolve this issue. But, I can't cause I love my daughter more than life and she wants me to chill.

It is hard.............

Oh wellllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Shortly after that call, I got a ring up from my best friend here and she was venting that her 13 year old son had gotten mouthy and smart-assy on the phone with her. Seems he is visiting his dad on his yearly summer visit and she is supposed to go get him next week and he called to say, "That didn't quite work for him." Hello? He is 13, she took vacation days, as did her hubby, to make the trip to Missouri to get him, and he wants to stay longer? Kids.....I reassurred her that she only has about 8 more years to deal with it and then she can breathe easy. (that was mean, I admit it) ;)

I am just piddlin' again this evening as BF is again in the ER, saving lives, and I have eaten a single gal's dinner.....mayo on wheat bread with fresh bell pepper slices, sliced cucumbers, and celery. I am out of my fav little grape tomatoes or they would have perfected what was a wonderful treat for me. I could live on fresh summer veggies....and I have freshly diced cantalope waiting for my snuggly, under the covers, hour of reading Naomi till my eyelids droop. *yum*

Did I mention that I had a frozen peach daiquiri with dinner as well? Maybe THAT was why I enjoyed dinner so much.........whatever works. (I put up several pints and quarts of fresh summer peaches the other day......what a sinful treat they will be in the cold of winter that lasts forever and ever up here.)Image hosted by

I cannot stay up so late tonight. I already have my sale list printed out and highlighted and route picked since there are about 75 tag sales tomorrow! I have to get going early.

I am hooked.......addicted......a total junkie. But, my BF is too and he loves me and we enjoy it so there.

Also, we want to go to the lake. The BF is off the rest of the weekend.......*clap hands* perhaps a picnic basket with yummy summer fruits and veggies and muffins for a lake feast with the sun, breeze, water, and mountains. Heaven? Yesssssssssssss. (Have to work on the boat a bit first....the axle spring squeaks so we need to lube it and we need to tighten the engine cover since it has an annoying rattle when we hit the high cruise speed) Guy stuff......;)

I am having to resist the urge to begin yet another project. I got my One Stroke painting instruction materials in the mail today. Happy, happy! My fingers are fairly itching to grab the paint brushes but I have to wait. I need to watch the video and have a calm, maybe rainy day, to fully devote my creative juices to this. I so truly, deeply want to learn this painting method and it will be my happy treat to myself.
This is long........this is screwy and rambling.........but so am I and it is okay. I worked long and hard to get this eccentric and I am going to enjoy every moment of it.

'Till good to yourself and find a happy every day.....doesn't have to be a big one.....just be sure it is yours.

Bon jour!!

p.s. One last happy moment from today......our second Florida amaryllis finally bloomed! The first one opened while we were in Maryland for a week so we did not get to fully enjoy it.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comAlso, my zinnias are finally setting blooms. Summers here are late and short so any flowering makes me very happy. I miss my southern gardening........