Saturday, September 16, 2006

Bitch and Moan or Smile and Carry On?

I am a terrible blogger.

That is odd in that I truly love words and the process of writing. I have always felt at home with the written word and the prose that ambles through my brain endlessly.
But..........I am a busy woman. I DO read my favorite blogs daily. I enjoy reading what other fascinating, HONEST, REAL women are doing with their lives and homes. I just never seem to take time to issue my own thoughts.....

I do NOT read ebay blogs! ( <-- stated emphatically and with meaning!)
I have a job. It is called ebay, and I have a home that is called "ours". I have been trying to find a way to separate them as one would separate from a "leave the house" job. If I spend my time reading ebay blogs and "how-to's" and "how comes" and general "look at me and all of my wonderful, unique ideas and stuff and spend your hard earned money and time with ME"......PUH-lease! I have enough "stuff" to last me a life time (and I like MINE better than yours anyway!) and seeing what others are doing is really of no interest to me. I also do not spend time searching for ideas and formats and templates and such to copy as ONE I KNOW loves to do. So unoriginal!!! And annoying.

I know I sound a teeny bitchy and bitter but you would have to know all the behind the scenes crap and hurt to understand and I don't want to get into it. Let me just wrap a tidy bow around it and say I was VERY hurt and disappointed by an individual who basically lied to me and herself and lives in a pretend world where it is okay to use and discard people as easily as she does her ever changing home decor!

Shallow, selfish, self centered, self important, scheming, gossipy, two faced, immature, and transparent....this person I once called my friend. She is selfish with her family and husband as well so who was I fooling?

I am D-O-N-E!

End of THAT story and spending any more of my time or thoughts on someone who is truly not worth it. (insert huge sigh of release and relief here)

I admit to being a work-a-holic. I have always been this way. It stems from being raised on a farm where the luxury of being lazy for a day did not exist in our reality. It comes from having a Mother who did not possess a lazy bone in her body and expected me to be built the same. I am driven and it wears me down. I have found I am least productive when I am the most preoccupied and "busy". Weird in its own twisted way. One would think if you are busier, you would get more accomplished. Wrong. I just get more behind and feeling over whelmed. That is not good.....it is making me physically ill and I have to take better care of myself. I have pretty much been sick all summer with one thing or another. Not that anyone besides my J would know.......
I am trying to get better. I am over the sciatica (I hope!) and the resulting adrenal crisis created by the steroids. That shit is scary!! 'Scuse the language but I truly thought I was dying....for real. I could not even dial 911! and I was alone. I said my prayers and waited for "The Light"....FOR real. But, I am better and now I am dealing with the residual rapid, irregular heartbeat and occasional chest pain. I know, I KNOW! I need to haul my fat butt to a doctor but I LIVE with one! Ya' think maybe he knows how to tend to me? Well, maybe he does not always do what I think he should or could but he DOES take care of me.......I am just getting old and falling apart. I just have had too many different things to deal with...it all started in Boston when I had what we think was a gall bladder attack or panreatitis and it has been downhill from there.......all freakin' summer!

So, I am making a September Resolution. Who says you can only do this at New Year's?!
I resolve to work less, work more productively, worry less, laugh more, and just let what happens, happen. Plus, I want to get all that crap out of my living room and enjoy my pretty space again. I love my home and appreciate it even more now that I am going to be dividing my time between here and another house in another state. I do not even know what it will be or look like but it will be not HERE and I love my HERE. I love my house and my heirlooms and am not sure how to divide them and me. It will happen but the growing pains hurt.......
Looking for a new house will be trying and fun. Dividing up possessions will not be so I am thinking maybe we just furnish and decorate from there and leave here as it is. Yeah, I am thinking that is so much better! Since it is an afforadable issue, I think it is best.
Okay, I am rambling and feeling all "Mental-pausal" today so I am out. Blogs are to record and vent our thoughts and I did and I can now pat my foot, cross my arms, set my lips in a determined line and say, "There! I feel better and tough cookies if YOU don't!" :O)

Later Taters......and maybe I will be in a better mood! ;-)

p.s. I also miss my Patches. Life without my sweet baby girl dog is hard and different. I relied on her chocolate brown eyes to look at me with love and she was my soft spot to fall when the world was too hard. I love and miss her!!!

4 comments:

Amber said...

Thanks for your stop by my blog. You really made me laugh!

:)

Jerri said...

Yesterday I didn't know the term "mental-pausal" and now I know I ARE it!

Love your September resolution. Blog more. Rest more. Have more fun.

Alecia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
~Nancy~ said...

I can have a mood, I tell ya'! It is a long, personal story that started and ended almost at the same time. It hurt like the devil but I was stupid and got played. Learned a very harsh lesson.....
not gonna' happen again!
It is over and they have moved on (literally moved...gone to another state) as I have. (still smarts but not like it did!)