Yeah, I am still here. I just simply have not had a blogging urge or inspiration so I did not waste my time nor yours......
Aren't you just tickled pink that I am putting word to blog now?!
Yeah, that's what I thought. Ha....bear with me.
Christmas has come and gone. It is done for a year and.......yay.
I simply had so little spirit, except when I was in Arkansas with my family. I did not even put a tree up this year...first time in my life. But, NO ONE was going to see it but me - and the cat - and all he wants to do is climb it...so I just said 'bah humbug' and left it boxed up. I did throw up a few garlands and lights on the porch so I would not look like the local grinch. woo hoo....
I enjoyed being with my Baby Girl and my sister's family. Meeting my new great niece and great-great nephew was wonderful! They are 7 weeks and 11 weeks respectively and tell me, is anything sweeter than a baby at Christmas? Oh, I loved bonding with sweet little Tessa Rae! I did not get to spend nearly enough time with little Jagur however.
I also got to meet my great nephew's new bride, the mommy, and my other nephew's sweetheart.....wedding bells soon??
All in all, I go to meet 4 new family members and it was a blessing! It makes me hate living here even more, if that is possible.
I have not seen Feller since before Thanksgiving and that is TOO long! He is coming home the first week of January as he is in Florida visiting his folks this week. He needed to go and I am glad he went.
We will have a late Christmas with each other when he comes home......and we will watch the National Football Championship together and it will be GOOD! Go Gators!
My trip back here after Christmas was horrible.....with a capitol H. I got a late start since I had a touch of the GI bug that was going around my family. Nothing like an 800 mile, 13 hour, drive alone with a stomach virus. It was after midnight when I got home and I can hardly remember the last 100 miles from Lexington. That is NOT a good thing! I am still trying to get well and now have a sore throat. I spend so much time alone, I apparently have NO immunities and was with 20 family members! Oh, and I also got a speeding ticket. great. I never get tickets so it really ticked me off but what can you do? It was a fat, older, white State Trooper chick....she was on such a power trip, I just bit my tongue and signed the damn thing. She looked like she should have been rocking babies and baking cookies, not hiding in the bushes, waiting to hit me for going 70!! On a highway...straight, dry, and clear....sheesh!! Maybe she got an end-of-year bonus....who knows?
Still, it was SO nice to be back home....I miss my family and friends SO much! It seems all I have encountered living here fall in to this category:
http://suburbanturmoil.blogspot.com/2006/05/shitty-friend-syndrome.html
I am quite weary of their "games" but I am just trying to not think of it and let them continue on their merry way. However, seeing old faces back home and catching up reminded me how much I miss my pals and how sad it makes me to only have met SF's here. One on every corner, so it seems. But, I have sweet, dear friends back home and so I know they DO exist....just not any I have met living with these backwoods hillbillies. Do I sound bitter? Yeah, that's what I thought....but it IS my blog and this is how I feel. I just miss my friends, the ones who know me and still love me, and laugh with me and don't compete with me and don't act like they are the only part of the equation that matters.
I am now gearing up to work hard the rest of the winter, get the rest of this stuff out of my home and start spending more time looking for another house. I love our home and it is really nice but it's big and lonely and too much for me to tend to alone. I am ready to be with the human race again. Feller worries about me but he knows I am pretty independent and can take care of myself.....I am just tired of having to do it. He feels a bit guilty because he has to be living and working in NC. He wishes I had a gal pal to ease the isolation but he also knows how THAT has gone in the past so he just lets it go. He tried to warn me....I just did not listen.
Ah well....his judge of character is much more practical and less trusting than mine.
But, trust me....I know NOW!
Oh well, enough of THAT. She is so not worth it....for real.
End of year thoughts:
1. I am happy my daughter is turning into a lovely young woman, about to graduate from Emory University in Atlanta. (HIRE her, please!) And she is learning to cook! Now THAT'S major! She watches the Food Network, cooks for her roomies, and collects recipes from me and my sis. And she is hostess for an Italian Restaurant. And she weighs 110. Not fair, I scream, NOT fair!
2. I worry about my sister and how she and her hubs will manage while he still recovers from his broken leg and ankle and is off work. Lots of hard praying here.....
3. I miss my Feller but admire the work he does. We get along better when we are apart....that's all we've ever known. (just kidding here)
4. My heart still aches for my sweet Patches. I miss my dog.....very, very much.
5. I love my cat, Koko, and he does his best to love me back. But he gets hair all over me.....and my house.
6. I am ready for the next chapter, whatever that might be. Me, the one who hates change, I'm SO ready to move on. Northeast KY has lost its appeal, what little it ever had. Same old complaint- the folks here are clannish and stuck up and just *wierd*. Those who have the least to gloat over act the most greedy, superior and haughty. Save it, sister. I ain't impressed....never was.
7. Getting old has its perks...I would not have openly bitched about any of this ten years ago. But, I also had migraines, an ulcer and an eating disorder ten years ago. Now, I am just fat and sassy and honest.....ha! :-)
8. I miss my Mom...a lot. But I have missed her for a long, long time, even before she died.
Alzheimers is an evil, hateful disease and I hope I die of ANYTHING else but that.
9. Faith and prayer can get you through anything but there are days it is harder to find....and I remind myself, "If God feels far away, who moved?" Hum?
10. A new year, new opportunities, new lessons to be learned, new mistakes to be made, new horizons to explore......come on, 2007! I am ready for you!
Let's roll!
(holiday pics will come soon....I have not felt like uploading and editing them)
2 comments:
Oh, sweet Nancy. I for one AM tickled pink to see you here again. I have missed you, girl.
Whatever's troubling you, writing it out here is a great start to getting over it. Haven't seen the Feller since Thanksgiving??? Damn, that's got to be hard. . . difficult.
Keep writing, sweetie. Keep letting us know how you are. Your voice, your humor, you sparkle are so valuable in this world.
Happy New Year. May it bring you great happiness.
Ah, I am okay....I get a bit hard on myself from time to time. Too much company of one's self tends to create this, at least with me.
Actually, I have not seen the Feller since BEFORE Thanksgiving. He had to work both holidays and so I went home to Arkansas.
But, he gets to come home the 5th and stay until the 10th. We will have our holidays then and we have a couple of special outings planned.
Thanks for your encouragement. I vent a bit from time to time but I can always hear my daughter and sister in my head, telling me not to be so negative. I have heard that admonishment enough to remember not to be a cry-baby whiney-butt. In the grand scheme of things, I truly do not have reason to whine. But, like anyone, I sometimes do enjoy my pity parties more than I should.
Thanks again and here's a toast to a grand New Year for all!
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